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reve_damour

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Update? [Oct. 5th, 2010|12:55 am]
reve_damour
[Current Music |Ceilidh's Canadian Maritime Music]

Update.

So hay lj. S'been a long time, I think.

Cut due to super long and rambly and not really all that interestingCollapse )
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Chilling. [Aug. 11th, 2010|08:56 pm]
reve_damour
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

Cleaning my room while listening to 500 Days of Weezy. Life is good.

I can't believe it's pitch black though. Guess summer's almost over.

It's been real, First Summer In The Real World!
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This is the funniest and still so true! [Jun. 28th, 2010|07:08 pm]
reve_damour
I've been reading through my entries from senior year of high school for the sole purpose of finding out the names of the people that I worked with during my internship at the French-English school so I can get certified to become a preschool teacher, and I found this: (http://reve-damour.livejournal.com/58663.html)

I've planned out my life. I did it this morning. Wanna see?

1. Major in French. (Duh.)
2. Become a translator. Maybe for the UN, but maybe not. Apparently, you've gotta have a mastery of at least 3 languages or something, and they've got this huge interview process if you wanna translate for the UN. I'll figure this bit out later. I already started teaching myself Arabic tonight, and I still know some Spanish, Italian, and Japanese.
3. Once I'm done being a translator, become a stewardess for Air France so I can talk to random people in French and English and be really cool and make my ears immune to that poppy thing that they do when we land.
4. Become a French teacher in some country so that I can get summers off, plus other breaks in the middle of the year.
5. Go to Disney World a lot or work there once I retire.

Things may change a little. I still might want a kid or two. And maybe I could work in France so I could actually get paid vacation, unlike in the US, since we're such friggin workaholics!! On the plus side, I now know how to file my taxes. I'm glad FinTop was good for something this year. Maybe Disney World could change to Disneyland Paris, even. I don't know.

I kinda like having a plan though. Maybe I'll just teach myself every language in the world so it can just work out. I hope this whole thing where I don't know what words to use because I think in French sometimes and English other times will go away. I mean, I should at least be proficient in English right now. That's kinda why I'm starting to hate writing; because I have no idea how the words are coming out. Every time I read this thing I think that my grammar is just floating away.

...maybe things won't turn out so badly. =P


And it's so true. Things are still working out, and I'm glad.
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Working hard or hardly working? [Jun. 26th, 2010|10:57 am]
reve_damour
[Current Music |Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely]

Instead of being productive, I've spent the past hour researching egg donation. Even after all of that reading, I'm still interested in doing it. My general benevolent nature coupled with the added bonus of $5,000 and everything from insurance to travel expenses paid.. I'll definitely have to think about it more before I fill out an application, but I think it would be neat.

Anyway, odds are that I probably wouldn't get picked, due to my plethora of other medical issues. But it would be neat to try.

Or maybe I will just try to wipe this from my mind and put it aside as another one of my crazy ideas.

Thoughts?
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Just sick. [Jun. 8th, 2010|10:23 pm]
reve_damour
I moved into my apartment three days ago. I'm already going home because I got a weird call from one of my doctors.

I have a newfound obsession with Tootsie Rolls. I'm eating some while watching Paper Heart on Netflix. It's pretty ridiculous, but I've been exhausted, so it doesn't really matter what I watch because it all is just sort of ambient noise.

I thought that I was just tired like normal tired. And then I thought I was just tired like mono/some other virus tired. And now I'm fucked.

It's like.. doctors try to be reassuring by saying shit like "It could be all of these other things, but really, it will be this normal thing, since that's what is normal for someone your age." But I've been getting all of the "normal" things knocked down one by one since I was little, basically.

So long story short, it's not my normal tired. I'm not sleeping all the time for the reasons that I usually assume are the reasons. I have all of the signs of mono in terms of bloodwork, but nearly none of the physical symptoms (except being tired). Oh, and even the bloodwork explicitly says that I tested negative for mono.

I need more tests. I'm leaving in the morning for Jersey to get more tests. More blood, more tests, more ultrasounds, sonograms, mri's. More restrictions. No alcohol for good this time, no tylenol, benadryl. Not to mention sleeping upwards of 12 hours a day, moving really slowly, spending most of my days in bed because I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything else.

I'm tired. I'd like a hug, but cuddling in my bed is fine for now.
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It is my bedtime. [May. 29th, 2010|09:28 pm]
reve_damour
My body is still fucked, which is making unpacking all of my shit, throwing at least half of it away, and then re-packing to move pretty difficult.

Instead of listening to my physical body needs, I'm listening to my emotional body needs and watching Up while I clean out my life. This will feel so cathartic once it is done!
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I'm trying this new thing [Mar. 25th, 2010|10:07 am]
reve_damour
[Current Music |Possibility - Lykke Li]

It's called patience.

I'm still doing the old thing, called Over-Schedule Myself, but I'm working on the chilling out part more.

Here's what's up for today:

10:30: Linguistics exam
12:00: Tutoring
1:10: Linguistics exam
3:00: Class until 5:30
8:30: Look at the stars

I skipped all of my classes on Tuesday, and I'm going to do my best bullshitting job today on both of my tests. We'll see how it goes. I really did just need a couple days to sit in bed. I'm glad that my fever gave me an excuse to really stay home, because even if I did need a mental health day, I don't think I would've let myself stay in bed to do nothing after having spent a week on spring break.

I'm really excited for a lot of things in my life. And also kind of anxious. But mostly excited.

Aaaand yet patient. We'll see how it goes. One day, I will write in this when I have more than 5 minutes.
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Mm, whatcha say? [Mar. 4th, 2010|01:10 am]
reve_damour
I need to organize my life again. I've got everything planned to the hour for the rest of this week, but I don't know how I'm going to make it through.

I'm feeling okay. I guess that's a lie. I do still feel like I have to cry every day, but I think that it's just hormones right now. Today was an explosion, and I hope that there will be calm soon.

It's true that I need to focus on my own life, but when everyone else has such shitty things to deal with, I feel like making time for myself to just laze around is selfish. But it seems like that's all I'm doing in between mealtimes and class and work and practice. The only energy I have left, I waste it on myself to recuperate. Which means that my homework is suffering. And my ability to pay attention in class.

I guess I should actually sleep instead of typing this at 1 a.m. And maybe I'll get enough sleep to be able to function in the morning. And write a presentation. And do my readings for the 5.5 hours of class I have tomorrow.

I can do this. I just hate when people ask why I haven't done certain things when they don't know what I'm dealing with. It's hard, and I can't be selfish right now. But I will get a job, or accepted to that grad program.

Sorry for being so mystical about all of this. I'll parse these thoughts together with real explanations soon.

I really do want a girlfriend.
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More fun with linguistics! [Feb. 11th, 2010|08:57 am]
reve_damour
I've been mentally and physically unavailable for awhile, but now that I'm catching up on all of my reading for today in the few hours before I have class, once again Lycan's wit and insight into the debates of linguistic theory got me to laugh out loud.

p. 30:
"Suppose I have formed the insane belief that Keith Donnellan is the illegitimate son of Santa Claus and Margaret Thatcher. Using the description referentially, I say 'Mrs Thatcher's Christmas bastard wrote a classic article on descriptions.' If you know enough about my weird beliefs, you will pick out the right individual and understand what I meant."

Loves it. I put myself on a strict schedule to make sure all of my readings get done for this morning, so I'm afraid I'll have to leave you with that, although I have a whole lot of junk floating in my head. I feel pretty at peace about everything, even though some people view it from the outside as my world is falling apart. I'm glad that I don't need to be consoled anymore, and my soul is still in a pretty calm, summer state.
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I know we're lost, but soon we'll be found. [Jan. 31st, 2010|02:51 am]
reve_damour
Maybe it's just that I communicate in a different way. Not good, not bad, just different. I am working on being more clear, but really, if I said outright everything that I was thinking, there would be no point in talking anymore, would there?

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. It's late. I just wish that I didn't feel like I want to talk so much more after everyone has already left.

Maybe if I just keep typing, I'll type myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do lately. I have good friends, but I still feel like I'm neglecting people, and I can't help feeling that way, especially when I wind up feeling guilty for not seeing certain people for a couple of days and promising that we'll hang out, but it's never enough. I really do know a lot of people, but I still feel close to so many of them. I was hoping this semester would be easy, but it seems like I already have a lot of homework, not to mention applications that have to be done soon and doctors' appointments that are going to eat up a whole lot of my free time next week. We'll see how it goes.

As uncomfortable as I am being alone in my room, I guess it does give me something to hope for. I always did like this in-between time. Maybe that's why it's feeling like summer. I'm feeling in between.

I hope that Janice gets back to me. Maybe I should e-mail Alan, too, just for good measure. I e-mailed her days ago, and she definitely opened the e-mail, but maybe she is just very busy. It must be hard getting ready to fill the shoes of the director of a master's program.

I've got that nice sort of dizzy, merry-go-round head spin that happens when I'm just about ready to go to bed. It doesn't always happen, but I like to hold onto it when it does happen. It feels like some imaginary centrifugal force is all that's keeping me steady in this room.

It's Daniela's birthday, and everyone is still pacing the hallways and laughing and screaming and singing in some language that I can't identify. Sometimes it sounds like French, but I'm pretty sure that it's not.

Okay. I think I'm ready for bed now. I hope I can play my ukulele tomorrow. I really do think it would be like finally providing physical therapy for my poor broken thumb to get it to stretch a bit.
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